Hark! Stress Relief Guaranteed

Pat’s Wonder Diet
Brought to you with best wishes for the holidays


If you will follow this diet religiously – which means NEVER EATING IN CHURCH – you will notice marked lessening of your stress level. If not, there’s redemption to be had in NEW YEAR’S resolutions.

One half grapefruit – no sugar
One slice whole wheat toast – dry
6 oz. skim milk

4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast – skinless
1 cup steamed spinach (with stems removed)
1 cup herbal tea, No Sugar!
1 Oreo cookie

Mid-Afternoon Snack:
Balance of Oreo cookies in package
1 pint Ben & Jerry’s “Roman Holiday” ice cream
1 cup herbal tea, No Sugar!

Two loaves garlic bread with cheese
One large sausage, Canadian bacon, mushroom, olive, and cheese pizza
2 Hershey candy bars, No Nuts!
1 cup herbal tea, No Sugar!

Wait, wait, there’s more.

The 8 Basic Ground Rules for this Diet:

  1. Pumpkin pie with whipped cream eaten directly from the fridge is permitted after 6 p.m.
  2. If you eat something small, and no one sees you, it has no calories.
  3. If you drink diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.
  4. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if they eat more than you do.
  5. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts. This would include hot chocolate with brandy or Sara Lee Strawberry Cheesecake
  6. Cookie pieces contain no calories, which occur only in whole cookies. However, nothing with peanut butter is permitted on this diet.
  7. Chocolate is the 8th Basic Food Group and is universal in color. It may be substituted for any of the food groups green in color.
  8. Food items with the same color have the same calories
    For example … Pistachio ice cream and spinach;  … mushrooms and white chocolate

Good Luck, Great Dieting, and Happy Holidays!


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